After writing yesterday's post, I googled "get rid of news headlines yahoo mail" and lo, I am not the only one who hates headlines in my mail. I found instructions to get rid of headlines; it took less than five minutes. Full instructions here. You need Firefox. Check. You need to download a little Firefox extension called Stylish. Check. Restart Firefox. OK. Paste the conveniently provided script into a new style in Stylish (easier than it sounds.) It worked! My Yahoo page is as bare as a snow covered field. No advertisements. No headlines. No more undulating people selling me cheap mortgages.
From the Stylish web site:
User styles empower your browsing experience by letting you fix ugly sites, customize the look of your browser or mail client, or just have fun.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Yahoo Should Be Called Boohoo
I don't have a flippin idea what to talk about today. Must be blogger's block. My usual resources of interesting and weird news stories yielded nothing. I have no personal musings to share. I thought about mocking how ugly the Google phone is, but that would be schadenfreude (sp?). Who makes fun of gazillionaire world-as-we-know-it-changers on a Tuesday? Silly news doesn't seem silly after reading about schoolgirls getting sprayed with acid.
Normally I rely on humor to keep me from being dragged into despair, which is why I keep my posts to relatively unimportant topics like bacon and gummi bears. But this week, I can't overcome the funk. I'm thinking the culprit is Yahoo.
Suddenly, when I open my mail, Yahoo presents me with the five most depressing world headlines. Last week they bogged me down with Somalian pirates. This week it's Iraq and Afghanistan horror stories. I don't see the value of being reminded of bad things every time I check my email, which I admit is as frequent as a caffeinated woodpecker pecking at a tree. This guaranteed to bring you down Yahoo mail/headlines feature was not in effect two weeks ago, and two weeks ago I was blogging along happily. I checked all my settings to get rid of the offending headlines—nothing. I may have to switch to gmail.
Normally I rely on humor to keep me from being dragged into despair, which is why I keep my posts to relatively unimportant topics like bacon and gummi bears. But this week, I can't overcome the funk. I'm thinking the culprit is Yahoo.
Suddenly, when I open my mail, Yahoo presents me with the five most depressing world headlines. Last week they bogged me down with Somalian pirates. This week it's Iraq and Afghanistan horror stories. I don't see the value of being reminded of bad things every time I check my email, which I admit is as frequent as a caffeinated woodpecker pecking at a tree. This guaranteed to bring you down Yahoo mail/headlines feature was not in effect two weeks ago, and two weeks ago I was blogging along happily. I checked all my settings to get rid of the offending headlines—nothing. I may have to switch to gmail.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Vacuum-Packed Molotov Cocktails Coming Next
I've got a couple million dollar ideas, which you may steal if you wish. First is Steakables, which I believe needs no explanation. Second is Botox-infused facial moisturizer.
But innovators are a persecuted lot. Just ask Charlotte Waugh, who may face prosecution just because the cute addition to her gift basket line—an addition she dubs "nasty" baskets—may be a health hazard. According to the Telegraph:
"A "nasty" box could bear a message to the recipient saying "You Are A S***" and contain a vacuum-packed cow pat.
[But according to Waugh,] the droppings get vacuum-packed before they go in the box and it's all 100 per cent natural. It's a great, unusual present that I'm sure will be popular with a lot of people with a sense of humour."
Hahahahaha. Yikes.
But innovators are a persecuted lot. Just ask Charlotte Waugh, who may face prosecution just because the cute addition to her gift basket line—an addition she dubs "nasty" baskets—may be a health hazard. According to the Telegraph:
"A "nasty" box could bear a message to the recipient saying "You Are A S***" and contain a vacuum-packed cow pat.
[But according to Waugh,] the droppings get vacuum-packed before they go in the box and it's all 100 per cent natural. It's a great, unusual present that I'm sure will be popular with a lot of people with a sense of humour."
Hahahahaha. Yikes.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Irritation Alert!
The good people at Oxford have done us the service of compiling the ten most irritating phrases. You can read the article here, but I've done you the service of copying the list because every time I go to the article, my computer hangs for five minutes.
I don't know how much time and money Oxford spent on this study, but they could have done better. Here's their list:
1 - At the end of the day
2 - Fairly unique
3 - I personally
4 - At this moment in time
5 - With all due respect
6 - Absolutely
7 - It's a nightmare
8 - Shouldn't of
9 - 24/7
10 - It's not rocket science
Kudos to #1: at the end of the day. It's not that at the end of the day is all that irritating, but people who use this phrase use it after every freakin sentence.
And #5 is a good. Its variant is "I don't mean to burst your bubble, but..." (don't want to rain on your parade, don't want to be the voice of doom, don't want to be a wet blanket, etc.) Again, it's not the phrase, it's how it is used—in that passive aggressive I-mean-the-opposite-of-what-I-say way: of course I don't respect you and of course I want to burst your bubble. I get off on bursting bubbles, that's what I do, in fact if I can smote your happiness for just one moment, I hate myself just a little bit less.
The other eight phrases, they don't bother me.
I don't know how much time and money Oxford spent on this study, but they could have done better. Here's their list:
1 - At the end of the day
2 - Fairly unique
3 - I personally
4 - At this moment in time
5 - With all due respect
6 - Absolutely
7 - It's a nightmare
8 - Shouldn't of
9 - 24/7
10 - It's not rocket science
Kudos to #1: at the end of the day. It's not that at the end of the day is all that irritating, but people who use this phrase use it after every freakin sentence.
And #5 is a good. Its variant is "I don't mean to burst your bubble, but..." (don't want to rain on your parade, don't want to be the voice of doom, don't want to be a wet blanket, etc.) Again, it's not the phrase, it's how it is used—in that passive aggressive I-mean-the-opposite-of-what-I-say way: of course I don't respect you and of course I want to burst your bubble. I get off on bursting bubbles, that's what I do, in fact if I can smote your happiness for just one moment, I hate myself just a little bit less.
The other eight phrases, they don't bother me.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Rise And Shine
In honor of Good and Good For You Wedneday (otherwise known as I May Not Eat Great, But At Least I Don't Eat That Day), I humbly present the Krispy Kreme bacon cheeseburger, served at state fairs, and for some reason, the Google cafeteria. It's a surprisingly light 1,000 calories and 60 grams of fat, only 20 grams more than you're supposed to consume all day.
If that is not enough sugar and fat to sufficiently clot your mind, body and/or soul, augment with spreadable bacon which, though contains no bacon, still manages to pack 8% of your daily allottment of saturated fat in one shmear. Wash down with Liquid Smoke and it's off to the races.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Cost of Living
I have a theory on why movie stars get $400 haircuts.
For the most part, their haircuts don't look better than the half price on Tuesdays $35 haircuts my guy Matt can give. And look at John Edwards, not that he's a movie star, but he paid $400 to look like a ten year old boy from the 50s. He could have achieved the same effect at the barber for $10.
Rich people need to pay more for their goods and services. Their personal trainers must charge $350 an hour. They need them to. If wealthy people didn't overpay, they would spiritually implode.
Let's say hypothetically Obama's $250,000 a year definition of wealthy is all you need to have everything you could want life: a good haircut, three tiered teak deck, European vacations, a nip, tuck, summer home, a dog walker and a chef.
If you are a millionaire, any money you earn over $250,000 just sits there collecting dust. There's nothing like bags of unspent money to make someone feel uneasy and that perhaps they have more than they deserve and therefore somewhat dirty.
Overpriced goods and services to the rescue. Wealthy people give each other expensive jewelry and have walk in closets the size of most people's homes and two hundred pairs of shoes not because they love all that stuff but because there is a natural law that says you must spend at least 90 percent of what you earn. You get Matt's $35 half price on Tuesday haircuts and you're never going to spend that million.
Here's a $29,000 chair made of half dollars to get you started on your spending spree. Me, I'm going to be satisfied with my $250,000.
For the most part, their haircuts don't look better than the half price on Tuesdays $35 haircuts my guy Matt can give. And look at John Edwards, not that he's a movie star, but he paid $400 to look like a ten year old boy from the 50s. He could have achieved the same effect at the barber for $10.
Rich people need to pay more for their goods and services. Their personal trainers must charge $350 an hour. They need them to. If wealthy people didn't overpay, they would spiritually implode.
Let's say hypothetically Obama's $250,000 a year definition of wealthy is all you need to have everything you could want life: a good haircut, three tiered teak deck, European vacations, a nip, tuck, summer home, a dog walker and a chef.
If you are a millionaire, any money you earn over $250,000 just sits there collecting dust. There's nothing like bags of unspent money to make someone feel uneasy and that perhaps they have more than they deserve and therefore somewhat dirty.
Overpriced goods and services to the rescue. Wealthy people give each other expensive jewelry and have walk in closets the size of most people's homes and two hundred pairs of shoes not because they love all that stuff but because there is a natural law that says you must spend at least 90 percent of what you earn. You get Matt's $35 half price on Tuesday haircuts and you're never going to spend that million.
Here's a $29,000 chair made of half dollars to get you started on your spending spree. Me, I'm going to be satisfied with my $250,000.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Change Your Privacy Settings, People
OK, I'm officially eliminating Cute Fridays. I don't have enough time to keep a stockpile of cute to post on Fridays, though I'm sure there's more than enough cute out there were I more committed. I may replace Cute Fridays with Facebook Fridays as I'm seeing an increasing amount of weird articles about Facebook. Let's just call today Facebook Friday, and leave it at that for now.
According to a Wall Street Journal article, college admissions departments are increasingly reading applicants' Facebook pages to inform their final decisions. Some students have been denied admission for what's on their Facebook page. While there's more to this article, let's stop right there for a moment.
1.) Anyone who would judge a hormonally raging teenager for what's on his or her Facebook page on a given day is a moron. Those status reports have a shorter shelf life than a fart in the wind. Give the poor kids a break. I've read adult's postings I'm sure they regret the next day. And those are just mine.
2.) Aren't the six page, three essay, three recommendation applications enough? You now need a Facebook page?
Onward through the article. One kid was denied admission for raving about the school to admisssion's people, then trashing the school on Facebook. Again, people, leave the kids' Facebook pages alone. It's creepy—like adults who listen in on their kids' phone calls and read their diarys—and it borders on pedophilic.
Kids are aware schools may look at their pages so now tweak them to be admissions friendly:
"Marc, who plans to apply early to Stanford University, says he won't mention that he loves to read X-Men comic books. His Facebook literary picks currently include "Crime and Punishment" and "Pride and Prejudice.""
Aw geez.
"Students need to be accountable for their actions," says Scott Anderson, director of college guidance at St. George's Independent School, a private school near Memphis, Tenn. When writing on Facebook or MySpace, he says, they should be thinking, "Is this something you want your grandmother to see?"
Oh right, the granny rule. There's a liberating model to live by: if it would offend grandma, don't say it.
According to a Wall Street Journal article, college admissions departments are increasingly reading applicants' Facebook pages to inform their final decisions. Some students have been denied admission for what's on their Facebook page. While there's more to this article, let's stop right there for a moment.
1.) Anyone who would judge a hormonally raging teenager for what's on his or her Facebook page on a given day is a moron. Those status reports have a shorter shelf life than a fart in the wind. Give the poor kids a break. I've read adult's postings I'm sure they regret the next day. And those are just mine.
2.) Aren't the six page, three essay, three recommendation applications enough? You now need a Facebook page?
Onward through the article. One kid was denied admission for raving about the school to admisssion's people, then trashing the school on Facebook. Again, people, leave the kids' Facebook pages alone. It's creepy—like adults who listen in on their kids' phone calls and read their diarys—and it borders on pedophilic.
Kids are aware schools may look at their pages so now tweak them to be admissions friendly:
"Marc, who plans to apply early to Stanford University, says he won't mention that he loves to read X-Men comic books. His Facebook literary picks currently include "Crime and Punishment" and "Pride and Prejudice.""
Aw geez.
"Students need to be accountable for their actions," says Scott Anderson, director of college guidance at St. George's Independent School, a private school near Memphis, Tenn. When writing on Facebook or MySpace, he says, they should be thinking, "Is this something you want your grandmother to see?"
Oh right, the granny rule. There's a liberating model to live by: if it would offend grandma, don't say it.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Now That's Smokin
Liquid Smoking promises a cigarette-like experience to help smokers deal with the smoking ban in pubs in England. Yum!
The Dutch Manufacturer, United Drinks and Beauty Corporation (strange name?)—which does not appear to have a web site—says the drink contains no nicotine but does contain roots from South African plants. Cuz we all know how nicotiliscious those are.
Not sure how Liquid Smoking compares to Cocaine Energy Drink, which claims to provide 3.5 times the high of Red Bull. Don't get too excited—you can't get either drink in the U.S.
I'm thinking: if you had a Liquid Smoking, Cocaine Drink and an O'Doul's, you could drink, smoke and do drugs without drinking, smoking and doing drugs. You can have it all! And if you mixed the three together, you can do all three simultaneously. As disgusting as these drinks sound, I'm actually not sure the Diet Coke next to my keyboard is much better.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Good Day, Bad Day, Good Day
Good Day: President-elect Obama!
Bad Day: Proposition 8.
Good Day: Wrote 6 new pages of novel today. Thanks to NaNoWrimo, this month I'm 4-3-2-3-6. That's pages each day. Up from 1 a day in October. Woot!
Bad Day: Proposition 8.
Good Day: Wrote 6 new pages of novel today. Thanks to NaNoWrimo, this month I'm 4-3-2-3-6. That's pages each day. Up from 1 a day in October. Woot!
Monday, November 3, 2008
Nano, Nano
It's that time of year: trick or treating, voting, tofurkey day and writing a novel. November is National Novel Writing Month, and I for one am ON BOARD.
The idea is to write a 50,000 word novel in a month. That's about 1500 words a day. That's about six double spaced typed pages a day. Why write a novel in a month, you ask? Shouldn't novels baste slowly like a Thanksgiving dinner?
Well maybe. But the problem with most novels is they baste too slowly, like never come out of the oven. By writing six pages a day, NaNoWrimo removes some of the blocks to completing the first draft of a novel, such as—
1.) Perfectionism. Who cares if it's crap? No time to worry about that when you have 1100 more words to write today. And 1500 tomorrow, and 1500 the next day and on and etc...
2.) Sloth. You record your word count every day and upload your pages to the NaNoWrimo site (which I believe is a little overloaded because I can't get on it tonight to update my word count. Oh well, I'm cheating this process anyway.)
How does one cheat? Well first NaNoWriMo wants you to write a novel from scratch, not continue one you've started. I am continuing one I've started. I'm 52,000 words and 206 pages in and I want to get the dang thing done (meaning approx 25,000 more words). According to NaNoWriMo, bringing a partially finished manuscript to the table destroys the "gleeful, anything-goes approach that makes NaNoWriMo such a creative rush." Agreed, but I've got get this thing done. My partner's tired of hearing we're going to be rich. She wants to know WHEN. Next year I'll do it NaNoWriMo's way.
If you want to jump on board, head over to NaNoWrimo to sign up. You've only lost two days. It's not too late. Registered users receive rah-rah emails to inspire us along, and a little dashboard to monitor our progress. You can share your dashboard with your friends and they can cheer you on too.
The idea is to write a 50,000 word novel in a month. That's about 1500 words a day. That's about six double spaced typed pages a day. Why write a novel in a month, you ask? Shouldn't novels baste slowly like a Thanksgiving dinner?
Well maybe. But the problem with most novels is they baste too slowly, like never come out of the oven. By writing six pages a day, NaNoWrimo removes some of the blocks to completing the first draft of a novel, such as—
1.) Perfectionism. Who cares if it's crap? No time to worry about that when you have 1100 more words to write today. And 1500 tomorrow, and 1500 the next day and on and etc...
2.) Sloth. You record your word count every day and upload your pages to the NaNoWrimo site (which I believe is a little overloaded because I can't get on it tonight to update my word count. Oh well, I'm cheating this process anyway.)
How does one cheat? Well first NaNoWriMo wants you to write a novel from scratch, not continue one you've started. I am continuing one I've started. I'm 52,000 words and 206 pages in and I want to get the dang thing done (meaning approx 25,000 more words). According to NaNoWriMo, bringing a partially finished manuscript to the table destroys the "gleeful, anything-goes approach that makes NaNoWriMo such a creative rush." Agreed, but I've got get this thing done. My partner's tired of hearing we're going to be rich. She wants to know WHEN. Next year I'll do it NaNoWriMo's way.
If you want to jump on board, head over to NaNoWrimo to sign up. You've only lost two days. It's not too late. Registered users receive rah-rah emails to inspire us along, and a little dashboard to monitor our progress. You can share your dashboard with your friends and they can cheer you on too.
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