Parking Stories

I was returning to my car after dropping two kiddies off at school when a nicely dressed man standing next to a stunning Benzy stopped me. Excuse me, he said.

HIM: Can you tell if I am illegally parked?
ME: Yes you are illegally parked.
HIM: How do you know?
ME: By that no Parking Sign you are parked in front of. I am leaving, you can have my spot.
HIM: But you are parked in front of that hydrant.
ME: I am not parked in front of that hydrant, I am parked well beyond that hydrant.
HIM: Isn't it legal to park here when there is a school assembly?
ME: Chicago does not let you park illegally for school assemblies. But you may have my spot.
HIM: But you are parked in front of that hydrant.
ME: I am not parked in front of that hydrant.
HIM: How do you know?
ME: See this yellow line? If you park inside the yellow line, you are illegal. If you park outside the yellow line, you are legal.
HIM: OK, OK. Please go away now so I can park.
ME: Have a nice day.
HIM: (nods)

Our Backyard Is Scary

There has been some seriously scary stuff in our backyard today. First this bug on the garage. Oh, that's just a stick bug you say imperiously, but it is a seriously big stick bug or whatever it is. The photo does not do justice to how seriously big this bug is.


Then I was trying to enjoy the beautiful fall weather (90 degrees, 100 percent humidity—yuck) with a sit in the backyard and this brightly colored totally seriously scary thing caught my eye. Because of its neon-y color, I assumed it was the handle of a sippy cup stuck in the ground under our Kentucky Red Bud tree. But no, this tentacle is ALIVE! And scary! Plus there is a scary green slimy thing growing around the scary orange tentaclely thing.


I am out of here.

What You Find Beyond the Oatmeal Aisle

Dominick's felt compelled to plaster UNBELIEVABLE PRICE signs all over their display of fresh soups. $3.99 for a medium sized container of soup is not unbelievable by any standard. It is neither unbelievably cheap nor unbelievably expensive. The only thing remotely unbelievable is the sign's claim.

I did have a hard time believing there is a book called The Idiot's Guide to Awakening Your Spirituality. You can buy said book at the checkout counter at Dominick's. It's true, you idiot! As a philosophical priniciple, I don't read The Idiot's series, but I hope the number one suggestion for awakening one's spirituality is to stop referring to oneself as an idiot.