My ten-year-old leaned over to me half-way through the Lego movie: "I wish I could touch the bottom of the screen and see how much time is left, because I am really bored."
I had to agree.
Though the movie's problem was more than being boring.
The first problem is a kick-ass, fierce, accomplished female character (Wyldstyle) falls for a unremarkable rule-follower (Emmet) with no particularly original ideas other than a bunk-couch. Female character comes understand her subservient position to the special Emmet character—and to adore and venerate him—because she's realizes that, well, men are awesome.
Second problem is when corporations tell us how to be an original, free thinker: purchase their products! And if you don't follow the directions, they have a special admiration for you, you crazy renegade purchaser! Here's a pat on your free-thinking caucasian head, now go on back to Target to buy the deluxe model.
Just to make sure you understand that you can't think for yourself with the aid of a corporate overlord, a Coke commercial precedes the movie. Various folks at creative pinnacle of their lives—which they face with a Coca-Cola in hand. Free-thinkers take creative risks with can of carbonated chemicals at their side.
Showing posts with label Advertising. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Advertising. Show all posts
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Monday, October 26, 2009
Bye-Bye
Advertisers finally did for me what I could not do for myself: they made me give up television. I couldn't take it anymore, the unyielding yowling of advertisements, be they in the form of 10-minute commercial breaks, 4 minutes of programming between commercial breaks, product placement (on Dexter! sob.) or this jaw-dropping thing where the people in the program actually promote the product, such as the Colbert Report which was supposedly once scathing political satire and now shills mayonnaise and beer.
Apparently, TIVO's to blame for this mess of advertisements. Advertising dollars pay for show + no one watches advertising = advertiser a bankrupt sucker. What a crock. If they're putting the commercials in the programming, why are there still commercial breaks? And why when I buy a DVD or pay for cable, do I still get a bargeload of commercials?
It was time to make a break with Forensic Files anyway. I've seen about a thousand episodes and I've got the formula. 95 percent (I'm guesstimating here) of the time it is the spouse, 2 percent of the time it the gardener/roofer/painting contractor and the saddest 3 percent of the time, the victim, usually a woman or child, runs into the wrong stranger at the wrong time.
If it's a poisoning, it is almost certainly the spouse. If not the spouse, it is the person the deceased let live on the property in exchange for odd jobs here and there. Many murdered people kept these sorts of characters around.
If it is a sexual/fetishistic murder, it is probably not the spouse.
If the surviving spouse is having an affair, he/she probably did it.
If the dead spouse was having an affair, the surviving spouse probably did it. Or the spouse of the boyfriend/girlfriend did it.
Etc. etc. Of course Forensic Files is less a whodunnit and more a how do we prove whodunnit, but with 6-7 commercial breaks in 30 minute time slot, I just don't care anymore.
The only other show I watched with regularity was Chelsea Lately. As much as I salute her deadpan comedic genius and I love John Caparulo, I was discomfited by the constant references to Chuy's size, like we were all still in 8th grade. Let's make fun of the short guy then blow pizza out our nose. But again I could have put up with that if it weren't for the 5 to 6 commercial breaks, all of which giving me ample minutes to ponder: why am I still watching this show? I should be working on my novel.
Bye bye TV.
Apparently, TIVO's to blame for this mess of advertisements. Advertising dollars pay for show + no one watches advertising = advertiser a bankrupt sucker. What a crock. If they're putting the commercials in the programming, why are there still commercial breaks? And why when I buy a DVD or pay for cable, do I still get a bargeload of commercials?
It was time to make a break with Forensic Files anyway. I've seen about a thousand episodes and I've got the formula. 95 percent (I'm guesstimating here) of the time it is the spouse, 2 percent of the time it the gardener/roofer/painting contractor and the saddest 3 percent of the time, the victim, usually a woman or child, runs into the wrong stranger at the wrong time.
If it's a poisoning, it is almost certainly the spouse. If not the spouse, it is the person the deceased let live on the property in exchange for odd jobs here and there. Many murdered people kept these sorts of characters around.
If it is a sexual/fetishistic murder, it is probably not the spouse.
If the surviving spouse is having an affair, he/she probably did it.
If the dead spouse was having an affair, the surviving spouse probably did it. Or the spouse of the boyfriend/girlfriend did it.
Etc. etc. Of course Forensic Files is less a whodunnit and more a how do we prove whodunnit, but with 6-7 commercial breaks in 30 minute time slot, I just don't care anymore.
The only other show I watched with regularity was Chelsea Lately. As much as I salute her deadpan comedic genius and I love John Caparulo, I was discomfited by the constant references to Chuy's size, like we were all still in 8th grade. Let's make fun of the short guy then blow pizza out our nose. But again I could have put up with that if it weren't for the 5 to 6 commercial breaks, all of which giving me ample minutes to ponder: why am I still watching this show? I should be working on my novel.
Bye bye TV.
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