Parking Stories

I was returning to my car after dropping two kiddies off at school when a nicely dressed man standing next to a stunning Benzy stopped me. Excuse me, he said.

HIM: Can you tell if I am illegally parked?
ME: Yes you are illegally parked.
HIM: How do you know?
ME: By that no Parking Sign you are parked in front of. I am leaving, you can have my spot.
HIM: But you are parked in front of that hydrant.
ME: I am not parked in front of that hydrant, I am parked well beyond that hydrant.
HIM: Isn't it legal to park here when there is a school assembly?
ME: Chicago does not let you park illegally for school assemblies. But you may have my spot.
HIM: But you are parked in front of that hydrant.
ME: I am not parked in front of that hydrant.
HIM: How do you know?
ME: See this yellow line? If you park inside the yellow line, you are illegal. If you park outside the yellow line, you are legal.
HIM: OK, OK. Please go away now so I can park.
ME: Have a nice day.
HIM: (nods)