Please, No

It's funny to notice whilst researching prospective agents/publishing opportunities the specific subjects they are not seeking. I particularly like the ones that add "please," like they are at their wits' end.

• Please do not send stories about cats that live outdoors. 
• No stories about September 11th, the Y2K bug, or tsunamis.
• No stories about "good" children always making the "right" decision.
• No stories about dishwashing, divorce, or drivers' ed.
• No stories about vaginas or penises afflicted with bizarre allergies please.
• NO STORIES ABOUT BATMANS ORIGIN.
• NO STORIES about how "I loved my dad and I'm sad he's dead."
• Please...no stories about your grandmother's tomato sauce.
• No stories about Abe Lincoln please.
• The magazine does not care to read any more stories written from the point of view of a fetus. 
• No stories about grandma's funeral.
• No stories about vampires or werewolves either.

And it's amazing they still have to say this:

• We do not accept manuscripts that are handwritten.
• We do not accept articles that do not deliver on the article title.
• We do not accept queries by telephone.
• We do not accept articles from article generator software.